The Merchants of Venice Boulevard

Credited to The Old Beatnik

 

 

 

By the MUG Man

 

The town had a reputation for allowing everyone the space to be who they wanted to be, dress how they wanted to dress, and say practically anything they wanted to say and not get shot for it.

Oliver Pendergass 1854

 

Chapter Three

 

 

"What was that?" yelled Tina over the din. "It looks like a house blew up!"

And that's exactly what happened. An old stone house that had sat next to the railroad tracks just off of Stockton Street somehow blew up sending a lot of glass and debris into the street and onto the tracks of the New Lambert Steam Railroad.

The first people on the site were the Mexicans who lived nearby. They apparently knew what an exploding house sounded like and were quickly on the scene trying to rescue whatever survivors there were. And thank God it appeared that no one died, just a lot of debris everywhere and a naked guy standing on the roof.

Mayor Patrick, whose house was next door, heard and felt the explosion. He immediately pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911 to the Vulcan Fire House. Fire Captain Kadzinski answered the phone. "Hello, Vulcan Fire House!" said the Chief, and in half a breath, "…What the hell was THAT?"

" Hey there, Bob." Mayor Patrick spoke into the phone. "This is Sean Patrick and the house next door to me just exploded into the street."

"Holy God!" said the chief. "You okay? …Is anyone hurt?"

"Yea I'm fine but you better get the volunteers out here and FAST!" said the mayor. "I see some people already on the scene but nobody in uniform."

The Chief immediately hit the CALL button and the town siren wound up and blasted its FIRE alert sending at least two-dozen local volunteers into their vehicles. "I'm on it, Sean. Thanks for the call. We'll be there in two minutes." said Captain Kadzinski in his most controlled voice and he quickly hung up the firehouse phone.

The first uniform arrived twenty seconds after the initial fireball. New Lambert Police Corporal Dennis DePalma had just left his mother's house on his way out to the state highway that ran past town to bust a few noisy gravel trucks. Dennis was an ex marine and a twelve year veteran of the force. He also had other jobs around town that he usually volunteered for. Dennis always dressed as Santa for the Christmas tree lighting and he and his domestic partner, were a yearly threat to win the local Dancing With the Stars fundraiser at the firehouse. Corporal DePalma enjoyed his job and everyone in town respected his judgment, attitude and panache. He pulled his squad car up to the burning house, parked it across the tracks and got out. "Okay, what happened here?" he asked of a woman standing there with a plastic bag in her hand watching her pet Cock-a-poo sully the sidewalk.

"It appeared that the house exploded when the water department out front was cutting through the street and cut an unidentified gas line." She explained in quite a factual tone. "How's your Mom, Dennis?" she asked. "Look at that poor man…he's naked!" and she pointed to the house.

Jose Menendez was on his way to work at the Morgan Inn when he heard the boom and saw the huge cloud. Jose quickly scurried up Ferry Street. The scene he came upon was quite a mess. The huge fireball seemed to have blown out every window in the old stone building and standing on the small slate roof was a very naked man with a face full of shaving cream.

"Don't worry, Senor, I'll get a ladder and get you down," yelled Jose to the man on the roof. "Are you Okay?"

"Huh?" Yelled the naked man back, obviously in shock and deafened. "I just turned on the hot water is all and the whole place exploded."

Jose's language skills were probably not up to what most would consider par but he thought he understood that the man was in need of getting down off what was now a full blazing building.

By this time, though, the screaming Vulcan Volunteer Fire Department arrived on scene as promised complete with a pumper, ladder truck and a bright red emergency vehicle fully primed with a full brigade of heavily equipped men and women and "Old Jake" the firehouse golden retriever. Jake used to be able to sniff out living beings through ten feet of smoldering debris but he kind of lost his nose the year before when he located and sniffed up a $7000 stash of cocaine in the back shed of a restaurant in town. He survived the drugs but always had a droopy-eyed look to his visage.

Sean Patrick checked his own house and ran out. He immediately noticed how hot the fire was and hoped that his prized rhododendrons wouldn't get scorched. They were just beginning to bloom after all. He spoke quietly to the Fire Captain. "Has anyone turned off the gas?"

The Captain, who was in the process of directing the dispersal of the vacuum hose down the hill to Ingham Creek and hooking it up to the pumper, replied to the mayor, "I called the gas company after I hung up from you, Sean, but you might ask the guys who cut the line. They're hunkered down over there across the tracks."

Jose ran back to the poor naked guy on the roof, leaned the ladder he'd found against the roof and the guy climbed down. Corporal Depalma gave him a jacket and by the time Jose had returned for his ladder it had melted into the side of the burning building.

The naked man with a face full of shaving cream spoke to Jose. "Sarah?" He asked. "Has Sarah come out?"

"I don't know, Senor!" he said. "I believe she was supposed to be at work by this time. I was just on my way to work when I heard your house blow up. She usually gets there before me, let me go check." And he ran off down to the Morgan Inn.

An assortment of onlookers was beginning to assemble. Tourists, neighbors, business owners and almost a quorum of town council members including the council president, Hank Reardon, were all standing around in small but growing groups. Hank was a retired steel industrialist of whom it was said, "…ran the town council with an iron fist," but that was just Hank's style for everything.

People were taking pictures of the blaze and the hard working volunteers when the 200-year-old stone house collapsed into a huge smoldering heap sending another plume of smoke and dust into the air.

Hank Reardon smelled gas believing a camera flash would set off the gas took charge of the situation and told everyone, "Hey, no pictures there!"

A tourist with a new Sony digital camera looked at him with a "Who made YOU God?" expression and flashed another shot right in Hank's face. "Oh, sorry!" he said. "I think my finger hit the wrong button."

In an hour Fire Chief Radzinski determined the site to be safe. Sarah McFadden was indeed at work at the time of the explosion, but her and the naked guy's entire life and an extensive and complete collection of Elvis Costello records was lost.

Corporal DePalma's squad car was almost rammed by the 5:20 departure of New Lambert Steam Railroad engine number 40 but he managed to get it clear of the tracks in time.

Arnold and Anita Foster, who owned a small part of the south side of town offered Sarah McFadden and the naked guy an apartment to stay until they got back on their feet and soon enough all the dust in town settled.

It was never decided if the water company was liable for blowing up her house but the following year the remaining empty lot was sold to the town. Everyone voted and the place was turned into a pocket park complete with a fake spring and a fake streambed and a lot of new trees, benches and bushes.

They named the park after the local Native Americans who were moved off the land centuries ago, the Lenni-Lenape Tribe. The town even invited the tribe to come back and observe the "Opening of the Gate Ceremony" but the remaining Lenapes were still pretty angry over being sent off to Oklahoma over 200 years ago so no one showed.

Everyone enjoyed the park; even with its nice new sign explaining all the things you can't do once you go inside. They probably never fixed the gas leak either because the very first thing you can't do in the park is light up a cigarette and smoke it…and people in New Lambert love to smoke…any thing and anywhere!